A dog a day keeps global warming away

Lately, I've been reading my good friend, Hari Batti's, blog. Even though I'm not convinced about this global warming thing, I do believe in fashion. So, I have decided to try environmentalism.

I began doing a little research and it seems that vegetarians have a smaller carbon footprint than us omnivores. But, one of my few respites from crimefighting are the summer barbecues with the plastifamily. I don't think grilling eggplant and zucchini on a hibachi would prove my manliness and virility in this dog-eat-dog world.

That got me thinking about Pete, my faithful Bull Terrier, who travels with me everywhere. A benefit of living in Oregon is that dogs are loved by all and allowed in every establishment. Now, if you are a chardonnay-sipping elitist who reads the New York Times you wouldn't understand our love for man's best friend.

But in the name of environmentalism, I think it's time to re-evaluate Pete's existence.

First, Pete poops a lot. Too much, in fact. Apparently, he's not alone. American dogs and cats excrete 10 million tons of guano each year. (Insert your own "We're Number Two" joke here). Let's face it, the whole composting thing is too much work.

I'm afraid that I only have one option that will meat meet all of my needs: we are going to barbecue Pete.

Now this tact is backed up by science. I just finished reading a new book: Time to Eat the Dog: The real guide to sustainable living. The impact of having a large pet dog is the same as driving a large car. So I've decided to keep the Plastimobile and eat Pete.

Well, maybe I won't start with Pete. First I'll cruise the neighborhood looking for other animals.

Nutritious? I've done my research. Wikipedia lists the nutritional value of dog meat.

After all, I have to make sure I'm eating a balanced diet.

7 comments to "A dog a day keeps global warming away"

  • @mr. platic,

    I was afraid to read this post because I've already begun work on one of my own, which uses some of the same links! In fact, I've already commissioned the art from my favorite 9 year old artist for it. BTW, he tells me that dogs are really hard to draw--they turn out looking like cows or camels if you are not very careful; he needs at least a week, and may want to use the camera. In any case, I'm going to go ahead with the post, and I'll steal some of your links to, with credit of course.


    Ps which do you recommend: broiled, fried, baked, or bar b qued?

  • @HB: Great minds think alike, no doubt.

    Now, I've always wondered about some of those aromas that have wafted my way from the dhaba. Now I know what you've got cooking.

    I always prefer a good barbecue and some beer. I'll admit a liking for my fried foods, as well, but I need to watch my cholesterol intake. I have many years of crimefighting ahead of me, still.

  • The gist of this was posted on Slashdot a couple of weeks ago.

    My opinion of all this is that we want to make the earth a cleaner place for those who live on it - so no point killing those who live on it to achieve that goal.

    If we start thinking in terms of the logic presented, it might be most ecological for me to eat my mother! After all, humans pollute more than dogs.

    So the real solution is simple - cannibalism!

  • Hey Plastic graduate, been enjoying your posts. My cat and i have just eaten the neighbor's dog. Tasted like s***.

  • @pRiyA: mmm...maybe it was the recipe?

    If you don't barbecue, you could try to broiling filets of dog, serving with it bearnaise sauce and a side of asparagus spears drizzled in olive oil, lightly seasoned with freshly ground pepper and sea salt.

    Accompany it with a bottle of cabernet sauvignon or any deep, bold red wine of your choice and a dish of milk for your cat.

    @anonymous & Bhagwad: Might I make a cinematic suggestion. Please rent the movie Soylent Green. Remember: "It's People!"

  • "You don't need a factory to build a dog,though" as my dad says. Is a cat the same? Cuz I reeaaly want a cat. Maybe I'll just have to do with a gerbil or something


  • Mr Graduate,

    I beg you,read the below, and don't eat dogs, not even to save the earth. Because 'If nothing matters, there's nothing to save.'


About this blog

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A masked vigilante, the Plasticgraduate is a 21st century crimefighter for truth and justice.

He writes from an undisclosed location in the great state of Oregon. There, he wages a lone battle in a world where the natives are bent on the destruction of humanity.

When not eliminating scum from the Earth, he lives peacefully with his family in the Plasticave.

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