Lately, I've been reading my good friend, Hari Batti's, blog. Even though I'm not convinced about this global warming thing, I do believe in fashion. So, I have decided to try environmentalism.

I began doing a little research and it seems that vegetarians have a smaller carbon footprint than us omnivores. But, one of my few respites from crimefighting are the summer barbecues with the plastifamily. I don't think grilling eggplant and zucchini on a hibachi would prove my manliness and virility in this dog-eat-dog world.

That got me thinking about Pete, my faithful Bull Terrier, who travels with me everywhere. A benefit of living in Oregon is that dogs are loved by all and allowed in every establishment. Now, if you are a chardonnay-sipping elitist who reads the New York Times you wouldn't understand our love for man's best friend.

But in the name of environmentalism, I think it's time to re-evaluate Pete's existence.

First, Pete poops a lot. Too much, in fact. Apparently, he's not alone. American dogs and cats excrete 10 million tons of guano each year. (Insert your own "We're Number Two" joke here). Let's face it, the whole composting thing is too much work.

I'm afraid that I only have one option that will meat meet all of my needs: we are going to barbecue Pete.

Now this tact is backed up by science. I just finished reading a new book: Time to Eat the Dog: The real guide to sustainable living. The impact of having a large pet dog is the same as driving a large car. So I've decided to keep the Plastimobile and eat Pete.

Well, maybe I won't start with Pete. First I'll cruise the neighborhood looking for other animals.

Nutritious? I've done my research. Wikipedia lists the nutritional value of dog meat.

After all, I have to make sure I'm eating a balanced diet.