After my last post, I began thinking about the importance of the internet. I rarely leave the Plasticave without first stealing the neighbor's wifi surfing around.

For example, as I travel around Oregon, I use Wikipedia to research some of the areas I visit to surveil suspects.

Once, while undercover, I tailed a criminal from the bustling metropolis of Greenhorn to Portland's urban Mills End Park. According to Wikipedia, mayor Frances Villwock wields the gavel over Greenhorn's population of two. And while Mills End Park's 452 square inches did not make surveillance a challenge, it was good to be prepared.

Craigslist has become an invaluable resource. Plastigirl and I met when I saved her from some dastardly deeds and she was immediately attracted to my bulging muscles. However, if you are looking to make a romantic connection, you may want to be direct and place an ad like this young, Asheville man who advertised  "Take advantage of my new lower standards."

Need some furniture? Where else can you pick up a chair that Ralph Nader possibly sat in?

You can also be entrepreneurial and advertise such services as dead body burials in your back yard.

Amazon is a great resource because of the many user reviews. Being a man of science, I recently needed to purchase Gupta's Chemical Shifts and Coupling Constants for Silicon-29. But before I spent the $7,600 (ships for free with Super Saver Shipping), I decided to read the reviews on Amazon first. I'm glad I did because it confirmed all of the good things I'd been hearing about it.

I was indecisive about what type of pens to buy. I finally went with Bic because of the four star Amazon review here.

Of course, the GM of the internet era, Google, is ever so helpful. Don't speak English? That's OK, because Google's homepage is available in dozens of languages including Klingon.

If you are feeling lost, looking for the meaning of life, try searching Google for the "answer to life, the universe and everything." You'll find it.

Finally, direct your browse on over to the last page of the internet: www.wwwdotcom.com

In a previous post, I advocated for changing the official language of the State of Oregon to Pirate. Some may have believed that I, in fact, was advocating piracy. However, I am nothing, if not a tireless crusader for justice and property rights.

Piracy is a dangerous business. If you are a pirate you risk getting your Xbox banned by Microsoft, you might get some really nasty tweets by the Zombieland director, or - perhaps worst of all, you might have to dance for a money-troubled Nicholas Cage in a Somali jail.

Thankfully,  your government is looking out for you!

ComputerWorld has an article about the Anti-Counterfeiting Trade Agreement (ACTA) which is currently being negotiated among several future signatories, including: Australia, Canada, the European Community, South Korea, Singapore and the United States.  This treaty will radically change how intellectual property is treated in its member states according to leaked documents analyzed by the Electronic Frontier Foundation.

Though the terms are still murky, you will soon have help to avoid piracy in several ways.

First, border agents will be allowed to search your ipod, cell phone and laptop, confiscating and destroying them should they find illegally ripped and downloaded music or video. I know, this will help me rid my many devices of pirate music. I can never remember which music on my ipod I actually own and which is from cd's  I checked out at the library.

Other provisions discussed include required filtering by your Internet Service Provider (ISP) and mandatory termination of your internet if you are accused (not convicted) of piracy. Three strikes and you are off the internet. Need to pay your bills online? File your taxes? Read the news? Sorry, because the recording industry has accused you of downloading Lady Gaga.

The precise terms of the treaty are still being worked out. You can breathe easy, piracy is on its way out.

I recently stepped away from the computer to get a quick snack and take a bathroom break. When I got back to my workstation, I had received a pop-up on one of the many monitors I have alerting me about how to deal with my internet addiction.

Of course, the plasticgraduate really has no such problem. While there are 87 million Americans who are stuck on the Facebook for hours and hours,  I much prefer the old fashioned string and tin cans. Since the Bush administration, though, illegal wire tapping and string tapping have been rampant. One can never be too careful, which is why I'm considering canceling my string service and Comcast and sending all of my data via carrier pigeon. That way my data should be safe from the authorites, unless the pigeon is suspected of terrorism. In which case I will have to hand deliver this blog to your door.

No, just kidding. Only trying to get your attention. No prize here. Nothing to look at. Move along.

Unfortunately prime tweeting hours are between 9 am and 9 pm, so I've been forced to write this in blog format. No more putting on airs.

Yes, I have found incontrovertible proof that spending the past 60 days on the internet has made me stupid. I know this, not because I read it in Wikipedia, but because I read it in an article in a high falutin' magazine called The Atlantic. OK, so I didn't really read the article. But I did look at the headline. And that was pretty scary.