Despite all the efforts of the leaders of this great state to attract business, it appears that the beaver state only has the fourteenth best business climate in the country. Apparently, corporate business taxes are far too high. Can you imagine? What to do when businesses pay at least ten dollars a year in taxes? Sprint, Macys and Eli Lilly will surely flee the state if they have to pay more!
This recession has hit all of us hard. My life, as a solitary crimefighter, has been especially difficult. You see, I spend my days monitoring the ground situation and many sleepless nights trolling the streets for the dregs of society so you don't have to. But even drug dealers have fallen upon hard times. Without narcotrafficking, crime goes down and I'm out of a job.
So I may have to turn to product placement on this blog. Perhaps some Google AdWords. Whatever I can to turn a buck.
I've already been approached by a few manufacturers to do product endorsements. I would appreciate some feedback, dear reader, before signing a contract. I know some are a little scatological. But, would you buy any of these products?
- Are you a parolee coming in to do a urine test? Nervous? Toked up a few days ago? Relax, because you're urinating into Petey P. Cup. He's warm and soothing. You can even be his fan on Facebook!
- Don't be a scofflaw the next time you take Fido out for a walk! Use the Pootrap and you'll never be caught unprepared.
- Cheney and Bush may have allowed waterboarding, but when the plasticgraduate questions subjects he never resorts to "enhanced interrogation techniques." If you enjoyed Gitmo and Abu Ghraib, you'll love our torture trading cards! Collect them all.
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About this blog
A masked vigilante, the plasticgraduate is a 21st century crimefighter for truth and justice.
He writes from an undisclosed location in the great state of Oregon. There, he wages a lone battle in a world where the natives are bent on the destruction of humanity.
When not eliminating scum from the earth, he lives peacefully with his family in the Plasticave.
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