Please come from the future to rescue this post

It's been a busy week here at the Plasticave.

I've found it necessary to be in two places at the same time. After much googling, science gave me the answer.

As you may know, work on the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) was stymied by a baguette. I thought it could be Al Qaeda again, or a terrorist pigeon. But upon further investigation, a more interesting theory formed. Could this be the work of some future particle?

Earlier, two researchers hypothesized that the LHC's problems are caused by its future, that the subject of the current research, the Higgs boson, is so terrible, it comes back from the future to avoid being discovered.

Now, I am no quantum mechanic. However, as I mentioned in a previous post, I keep up with various institutions, including Interpol, The American Journal of Paranormal Sciences and the Cryptozoology Museum. I have a Ph.D. from a University in the Carribean and I have an evil, maniacal laugh.

But these articles are a difficult slog.

So instead of reading them all the way through, I decided to read Flash Forward, by Robert Sawyer, a book about the collider, in which the LHC experiment causes people to lose consciousness and see years into their future.

But the book was kind of long, so I instead I began watching the TV show on Hulu. People only see six months into the future on the show so I figured I didn't have long to wait to find out.

But, why wait? Instead, I just told my future self to watch the DVDs of the TV show, and that way, when the LHC begins operation in December and if I really do see my future, I'll already know the end.

Right?


5 comments to "Please come from the future to rescue this post"

  • It's a very interesting theory actually - and the best part of it is that it can be falsified - which is more than can be said of many others such as string theory.

    The experiment is simple - if the LHC is ever completed, it means that Higgs Boson isn't disrupting it from the future. As such, I like the out of the box thinking - even if it's wrong!

  • CERN ZOO

  • I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but this is actually the THIRD time I've come from the future to rescue this post. I'm afraid it's not going to get any better than this!

    In the future, we are capable of great things, including time travel and really great hair styles. But there is only so much we can do for truly pathetic writing! (Gosh, I know that must be hard to hear, but you keeping asking the same question; it's some kind of loop but I can't explain how it works. Just know that in the future this is considered to be worse than your 'spam'. I thought a straightforward approach would be best!)

    PS. Tell my great grand son Hari that we all eat food pellets that look like dry dog food, and we live in refrigerators and don't go outside. We have lots of pictures of animals and trees, so it's a pretty good life. Did I mention the hair styles? They are smashing!

  • I meant, of course, my great grand father Hari! The one who worries about the environment so much. I am Hari the IIIrd, in actual fact!

  • @Bhagwad - Definitely out of the box thinking. Of course, the test of performing a statistically improbable test (a million to one) and if it comes up, then that proves the theory - even better. I'm taking my Higgs boson and going to the racetrack.

    @Weirdmonger. Love the name, love Cone zero.

    @Hari. Your great-grandfather will be happy to know there is a future. He keeps worrying (I think, at least) unnecessarily about the environment and the coming apocalypse.

    As for quality posts, one can only hope that future plasticgraduate will be spend less time fighting crime and decide to enroll in an MFA program.

About this blog


  • Politics.

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A masked vigilante, the plasticgraduate is a 21st century crimefighter for truth and justice.

He writes from an undisclosed location in the great state of Oregon. There, he wages a lone battle in a world where the natives are bent on the destruction of humanity.

When not eliminating scum from the earth, he lives peacefully with his family in the Plasticave.

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